Children are dependent by nature, not by choice.
Children are vulnerable they do not know what they need or feel and are completely reliant on primary caregivers to know and meet their needs during each stage of development. However, if the caregivers have a wounded inner child, their own needs will prevent them from being available. Instead they will be angry, abusive or over impinging, projecting their own wounds from their wounded inner child on to their children.
If children are loved and accepted, they will learn to do the same. If a child does not feel loved and accepted, overtime it loses its sense of self and adopts a false self, adapting to what is acceptable and what is not. They will feel depressed and apathetic as a result of having to adopt a false self and abandoning the true self. The needs of the true self-will be ignored, split off and lost within the wounds and what will be experienced is the needs and wants of the false self, being nice, wanting acceptance and to be liked by others in order to feel complete.
The child within will be forever searching for peace and happiness believing that this will be obtained through others acceptance and love. They will fall in and out of co dependent, toxic relationships and friendships, some even turned to substances such as drugs and alcohol to fill their emptiness.
Do you recognise any of the following?
- Fear and Anxiety in the face of change
- Feeling the need to please others over your own needs
- Trouble letting go of anything
- Feeling inadequate
- Confused with your sexual identity
- Guilty when you stand up for yourself
- Trouble starting or finishing things
- Being rigid or a perfectionist
- Never measuring up, never getting things right
- Not knowing what you want
- Feeling rejected or abandoned if you are not a good lover
- Feeling empty and low a lot of the time
- Not knowing who you really are
- Having sex even when you have no desire to
- Feeling ashamed when angry
- Fearing others anger
- Ashamed to cry
- Ashamed to feel fear
- Difficulty being intimate
- Anger turning to rage
- Difficulty expressing emotions
- Sleep disorder
- Obsessed with pornography
- Distrust in self and others
- Obsessive and controlling in relationships
- Doing what you think others expect of you
- Dislike being alone
- Find it difficult to say ‘No’
- The need to rescue others
- Not feeling close to one or both your parents
- Self critical
- Fear of being abandoned, will do anything to hold onto relationships
If you recognise 10 or more of the above then it is most likely that you have a wounded inner child.
For me it is vital for clients to work through issues that arise from a dysfunctional childhood. I specialise in this area, and am especially keen to work with anyone who has survived various forms of abuse (be it physical, emotional or sexual abuse or neglect)
One of the most important things counselling can help you achieve is accepting yourself for who you are. One of my passions is to aid clients explore their issues and reach resolution, resulting in a better quality of life. One essential element here is finding the confidence and willingness to change your life and move towards your own full potential.
I invite clients to contact me for an initial consultation. This enables us to meet and find out more about you and what you are looking to gain from counselling. It also gives you a chance to ask questions and discuss your expectations and any anxieties about beginning the process.
Choosing a therapist is often intuitive and my advice to clients is to listen to their “gut feeling” after a first session to decide how best to proceed. If you decide to work with me, I strongly advocate the client’s own voice when it comes to their needs – this includes how