Seeing the world through the attachment lens
We are born into this world through another human being. Our basic needs – food, water, and being kept warm and clean – are elementary things that we need in order to survive. However, those needs, which are primitive, are not enough on their own. Our innate drive may well be to survive in any given situation, but care, interaction, a safe home and emotional bonds between ourselves and our caregivers are vital in how we see the world and in our emotional experience of it. We are moulded by our environment, culture, religion, and our interactions with our caregivers and people who we have regular direct contact with.
Through our vital early years, primarily through the medium of maternal care, which comes in both physical and emotional form, we learn how to relate to the world. As adults, we are mostly unaware that our early attachment experiences become our attachment styles. This plays out in most of our relationships: how we see ourselves in relation to others; how we deal with conflict; how available or not we are in our relationships; how we trust others; how we deal with loneliness; how we hold onto certain relationships out of fear; how we feel we need the other to make us whole. The list is endless.
I believe in attachment theory. It makes sense. It lies at the very core of each and every one of us. Take a look around you, we are social by nature we need interaction to survive.
Understanding oneself is the key to change. Our attachment styles are not set in stone and through exploration we are able to empower ourselves and change as we develop stronger and healthier relationships.