I am a qualified counsellor and registered member of the British Association for Counselling & Psychotherapy (BACP) based in Clapham SW4, London Bridge SE1. I originally trained as an integrative counsellor but have since expanded and continued my professional development in Attachment therapy at the Wimbledon Guild and the Bowlby Centre. I strongly believe in the importance of early relationships and how they determine our behaviours in our Adult lives. How we deal with hurt and emotions and conflict are all a result of past relationships. I invite clients who are interested in understanding how their past plays out today. These can be issues to do with relationships, loneliness, anger, rage, addiction, self-harm, paranoia, obsessive-compulsive behaviours, anxiety, social anxiety; the list is endless. Understanding oneself and the uncomfortable feelings experienced that, rationally have no explanation, is the key to a happier and more fulfilling life.
If you believe your unhappiness is a result of your past and want to explore and work through those issues, I invite you to contact me for an initial consultation
A relationship or marriage can easily fall into conflict. We stop listening and communicating our needs clearly. Talking to someone neutral may be all that it takes for you to have clarity. What couples counselling offers here is the opportunity to speak to someone who has no preconceived notions of who you are as a couple, bonus of having skills and training to guide you through your worries.
The overall aim of couples counselling is to assist you
Understand how external factors such as family values, religion, lifestyle and culture affect your relationship.
Reflect on the past and how it operates in the present.
Learn why arguments escalate.
Negotiate and resolve conflicts where possible.
Through counselling, you and your partner may find a new way of communicating and understand each other and how to work as a unit, or you may decide it is time to part ways. Either way, counselling offers the safe space to explore, grow and decide what you would like the future to hold for you.
As your counselling sessions progress, you and your partner may find a way of overcoming your problems, or you may decide it is time to part ways. Either way, hopefully, counselling will offer you the space to grow and decide what you would like the future to hold for both of you.
Common problems explored
There are many different concerns that may bring you to couples counselling, ranging from a lack of communication right through to a betrayal or affair. Some common issues that can be explored through couples counselling include:
lack of trust
betrayal or affair
lack of communication
different sexual needs or other sexual issues
different goals and values
different parenting styles
If you are interested in engaging in couples counselling I look forward to hearing from you to discuss your needs further.
We are born into this world through another human being. Our basic needs – food, water, and being kept warm and clean – are elementary things that we need in order to survive. However, those needs, which are primitive, are not enough on their own. Our innate drive may well be to survive in any given situation, but care, interaction, a safe home and emotional bonds between ourselves and our caregivers are vital in how we see the world and in our emotional experience of it. We are moulded by our environment, culture, religion, and our interactions with our caregivers and people who we have regular direct contact with.
Through our vital early years, primarily through the medium of maternal care, which comes in both physical and emotional form, we learn how to relate to the world. As adults, we are mostly unaware that our early attachment experiences become our attachment styles. This plays out in most of our relationships: how we see ourselves in relation to others; how we deal with conflict; how available or not we are in our relationships; how we trust others; how we deal with loneliness; how we hold onto certain relationships out of fear; how we feel we need the other to make us whole. The list is endless.
I believe in attachment theory. It makes sense. It lies at the very core of each and every one of us. Take a look around you, we are social by nature we need interaction to survive.
Understanding oneself is the key to change. Our attachment styles are not set in stone and through exploration we are able to empower ourselves and change as we develop stronger and healthier relationships.
HER- SELF – A six-week course to empower women with the tools & insights to develop emotional resilience, self-confidence, acceptance and trust in themselves.
Mariam is a qualified Counsellor/Psychotherapist and has years of experience working with a range of issues in her private practice in Clapham. The programme she will be running is designed to enable women to develop self-esteem, emotional resilience, confidence and trust in themselves.
I had always lived in someone else’s shadow, and working with Mariam opened a tightly closed door to my own life, I was accepted for who I am and I began to grow into myself. Mariam helped me to find love and accept myself as I am, without pretending or wearing masks to hide away. She always believed in me, and I finally believe in myself. With her help, have gained freedom in all its beauty. (Testimonial) My time with Mariam has been one of the most rewarding experiences of my life. I found her to be kind, warm and skilful; in short very good at what she does. I felt comfortable in her company and without really realising it, was quickly able to trust her and trust that she valued my experiences and was committed to helping me understand these issues. I was helped me to work through some long-held painful experiences, and to develop a sense of confidence so that I can accept and move forward in my life. (Testimonial)
Please check out the website for more details – www.mb-therapy.co.uk
The programme will run for six consecutive Tuesday evenings from 11th October.
I recently picked up a book called ” Hold Me Tight” by Dr Sue Johnson – I am an attachment based therapist who works with individuals and couples and found Dr Sue Johnson’s book to be probably the best book I have read on couples counselling. To me, it made total sense so I have quoted directly from the book to share the magic.
Attachment theory teaches us that our loved one is our shelter in life. When that person is emotionally unavailable or unresponsive, we face being out in the cold, alone and helpless. We are assailed by emotions-anger, hurt and above all, fear. This is not surprising when we remember that fear is our built in alarm system: it turns on when our survival is threatened. Losing connection with our loved one jeopardizes our sense of security. The alarm goes off in the brain’s amygdala. This almond-shaped area in the midbrain triggers and automatic response. We don’t think; we feel, we act.
We all experience some fear when we have disagreements or arguments with our partners. But for those of us with secure bonds, it is a momentary blip. The fear is quickly and easily tamped down as we realize that here is no real threat or that our partner will assure us if we ask. For those of us with weaker or fraying bonds, however, the fear can be overwhelming. We are swamped by intense primal panic. We generally do one of two things: we either become demanding and clinging to draw comfort and reassurance from our partner, or we withdraw and detach in an attempt to soothe and protect ourselves. No matter the exact words, what we’re actually saying in these reactions is: “Notice me. Be with me. I need you,” Or, “ I won’t let you hurt me I will chill out, try to stay in control,” These strategies for dealing with the fear of losing connection are unconscious, and they work, at least in beginning. But as distressed partners resort to them more and more, they set up vicious spirals of insecurity that only push them further apart. More and more interactions occur in which neither partner feels safe, both become defensive, and each is left assuming the very worst about each other and their relationship. If we love our partners, why do we not just hear each others calls for attention and connection and respond with caring? Because much of the time we are not tuned into our partners. We are distracted or caught up in our own agendas We do not know how to speak the language of attachment, we do not give clear messages about what we need or how much we care. Often we talk tentatively because we feel ambivalent about our own needs. Or we send out calls for connection tinged with anger and frustration because we do not feel confident and safe in our relationships. We wind up demanding rather than requesting, which often leads to power struggles rather than embraces. Some of us try to minimize our natural longing to be emotionally close and focus instead on actions that give only limited expression to our need. The most common: focusing on sex. Disguised and distorted messages keep us from being exposed in all our naked longing, but they also make it harder for our lovers to respond.
Reference (Hold me Tight) Dr Sue Johnson Johnson, S. (2008). Hold Me Tight:
My practice is based in Clapham, nearest stations are Clapham North, Clapham Park, Clapham South. I offer individual and couples counseling. If you are having issues in your relationship and would like to engage in couples counselling I look forward to hearing from you.
Do your sexual fantasies become compulsive and drive you to act on them?
Is it affecting your family, relationships, and friendships?
Are you acting out and taking risks to fulfil your fantasies but then left feeling depressed, empty, shameful with yourself.
Are you longing for a long lasting, loving relationship but finding that you are failing?
Is addiction taking over your life, slowly destroying it and you feel you have no control?
Sexual addiction is real and can take over your life, Ruin friendships, and relationships, take you away from the important things in your life interfere with your work and hobbies getting in the way of haveing a lasting intimate relationship.
If you are struggling with the above and are ready to manage your urges, then contact me for an initial consultation to see how I can help you.
You’re on the train on your way to work one day when you suddenly wonder, did I switch the iron off? You begin to trace your steps mentally from earlier, desperately trying to remember to gain some relief from the already building anxiety. You probably did but what if you didn’t? Your concern is making as you imagine the iron face down on the ironing board slowly burning through the cover of the ironing board and starting to smoulder and catch fire. Just then your train suddenly halts to a stop forcefully jerking your whole body forward; you automatically put your hands out in front of you, palms facing outwards to break the force of being jolted forward, palms impacting the back of the seat in front. Your body starts to deactivate back to normality.
Anxiety is all around us. The above illustrates two very different ways that anxiety begins; Thought and the other to reactions to the environment. The reason for this is that fear comes from two distinct places of our brain: the cortex and the amygdala. The knowledge we have today is thanks to the advances in neuroscience the science of the mind.
In the example above, anxiety was aroused in the cortex pathway by thoughts and images of the risk of leaving the iron on. And information from another anxiety producing pathway, traveling more directly through the amygdala, ensured a quick reaction to avoid your body impacting the back of the seat in front by putting your hands out to minimise impact when the train came to a sudden halt.
In the latter example, we have no control; the amygdala will override the cortex to protect us from imminent danger. No time for what is best, primitive survival instinct. However, we do not always need the amygdala to intervene and in a lot of daily situations we have time to think through what the best solution may be by focusing on the facts and what is real about the situation and not focusing on the what if’s and possible adverse outcomes.
I have years of experience working with anxiety, panic, worry and compulsive disorder and can show you how you can change the pathways in your brain so that they’re less likely to create high levels or neurotic anxiety.
I can be contacted through on 07788595902 or e. email@example.com.